Living in Despair

Since last week, I've been living in a state of despair, although I never anticipated this to happen. However, ironcially, I chose to happen that way.

I also see that people tried to help me out of their kindness. I'm grateful to them, although the effort they put in is merely minor. They gave me a big push. E.g. the card centre lady who help me to trace my newly reported credit card, so I can get it and book my fligh. Admin officer who suggested that hang on in university longer, secretery who type the letter to request for early termination... etc... (in contract, although it's not fair to compare eggs and chickens, people in the other country where people just want to ``get their jobs done'', rather than to ``do their jobs''.)

Well, I think what mr blow said is true, ``I'm playing with fire''. While I'm fighting the fire, my mind hasn't been so restless as before. It comes back after so many year, the time I was doing my O's. Ever since that, I didn't have that kind of feeling, feeling myself useless, helpless, unable to archeve anything.

-- mr blog